Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Anything gigantic terrifies me to the point of brimming tears and shaking hands. More specifically, anything gigantic and aquatic. Whales, collossial squid, greenland sharks, megalodon, predator x...and so on.

Imagine my sheer joy while visiting the Field Museum during our honeymoon.

I wasn't too scared here, because Sue probably didn't swim.

This is a whale...I peed my pants and quickly came up with a game plan should I ever be swallowed by one...roll around in its gigantic mouth until it can no longer handle the tickly feeling and spits me out. Did I mention its mouth was so big I have the option of bringing my queen size bed along for the ride?

Perhaps my fear stems from the fact that I suck at swimming and spend all my time TRYING NOT TO DROWN AND DIE. Perhaps it's because I have an overactive imagination. Or perhaps it's because I'm on to something when I say I'm sure that at the bottom of the ocean dwell behemoths we can't even fathom and we should just evaporate all of the earth's water, hold it in clouds until these monsters die, and then let it rain for 40 days and 40 nights to cleanse the earth of their pitiful existence. That was God's solution, right?

This whole fear of gigantic marine life is a point of confusion for Tad. You see, while I'm generally a fearless person, he falls on the side of fearful. He simply cannot understand why a person who looks back upon the time when she was lost in Turkey as a fun, positive memory could/would ever be afraid of beasts that are DEAD. This is a CONSTANT reminder.

That is, until the Field Museum.

While Tad is more fearful than I, his fears tend to be more on the side of normal.

Except for sloths. They terrify him. After seeing a tv special on those slow-motion devils, he couldn't stop talking about them for a week, and printed pictures to spread the word. I thought the fear was funny and likened it to my fear of giant, extinct man-eaters. Of course, though, Tad said they weren't comparable. Sloths are ALIVE. They could attack AT ANY MOMENT. Predator X is DEAD DEAD DEAD!

Tad, meet the Giant Ground Sloth:

This picture does not do his sheer terror justice.

Needless to say, we're even.