Thursday, March 11, 2010

A Lot of Rambling Just to Say I DON'T WANT TO DO MY TAXES

There is no easy way to broach this subject. No way of getting around looking like an irresponsible freak. Yet, I believe this is something we need to discuss. Because I have only recently uncovered my fear of filling out forms, and I'd just like to take some time to talk about it. It's only after talking that the healing can begin, right?

So a few months back Tad and I bought a KitchenAid Mixer. It was a big purchase, but we knew it would get used (a lot) and we ran into a very nice deal. Something like a 20% off coupon plus a $30 mail-in rebate. Score! So, we bought it.

And the days turned to weeks and suddenly the rebate had expired without us cashing in. I, of course, get blamed for this (though I am not the only one who knows how to address an envelope), but pshhh. What does it matter. It's just $30, right?

Then, at the end of last year, we were to use up all the money in our Flexible Spending Account, otherwise it would be eaten by the mean and evil insurance company. So, I stocked up on ibuprofen and Maalox and even bought a brace for Tad's wrist (for work).

And the days turned to weeks which turned to months and now I'm not sure if my claims notice will get there in time.

Most recently, tax season looms. Now, I have been historically terrible at taxes. I swear if I ever get promoted to some big-time government position, WATCH OUT TABLOIDS AND FOX NEWS, because I will definitely cause some hefty scandal with all my tax evasions and form FAILS and lies! Oh, the lies I will tell as I deny that I know anything about messing up my taxes...oh, the lies.

But anyway, the days will turn to weeks and before we know it it will be April 14 and I'll be scrambling to make copies of our W2's and figure out how in the world I'm supposed to PAY TAXES ON MY BUSINESS (????), and I'll get it in just before the Post Office closes on April 15 with my fingers crossed and my prayer going something like, "God, please make it just as hard for the IRS people to get a hold of us in our apartment as it is for the UPS guy to deliver a package. Amen."

So all this to say that I believe I have a deep-seated fear of forms and form-filling-out-ness. ESPECIALLY when it involves numbers. There's just something about it...something about how you have to be exactly right. No room for error. No chance you can just 'make it up'. That totally irks me. Because I was not a math/science kid in school. I didn't know the perfectly right answers. I just knew answers that sounded good. Knew how to make them sound good.

Which is how I got 6 out of 8 points on this one Physical Geography question in college that had like three different things you were supposed to do to indicate air and wind and high pressure on a US map and all I did was put an "H" on Chicago. Didn't even touch the other components of the question.

My reasoning? It was my favorite city.
The truth? Chicago happens to be a main area of high pressure air currents (or something like that).

See? I prefer flying by the seat of my pants. None of this black and white/right and wrong garbage. None of these forms with numbers.

Why can't taxes include a written essay?

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