Thursday, December 13, 2012

The Story of How I Got Engaged to a Rock Star

Once upon a time, I had a massive crush on a rock star. He was in a no-name screamo group from somewhere in the Carolinas. They toured the US (still do), so even though he wasn’t a major rock star, he was a minor one.

Minor rock star = good enough for me!

Here is the band, Emery, as they look today:

And now, for the sake of making this story really come alive for you, here is the one that I loved:

Those of you who know me really well are now like “saw that a mile away” and those of you who know me somewhat are probably thinking about how you thought you had me pegged but now this throws everything off and YOU DON’T KNOW ME AT ALL ANYMORE!! Settle down. It’s okay. There will be other opportunities to predict my past crushes, I’m sure of it.

So, where was I? Oh yes ... I LOOOOOVVVVED him. He was in all of my M.A.S.H. lineups (as in the marriage game) and I talked about him incessantly. So much so that all of my guy friends were aware of this deep affection.

So when Emery headlined a tour my senior year, I knew I had to go. And even more than that, I knew I wasn’t going to miss this opportunity to settle the matter of romance once and for all.

After all, there comes a point in every girl’s crush when she has to know whether it’s time to stop pining.

So my friends and I made our way down to Indy so that I could get married.

Now like all good bands, desperate for fans, Emery hung out on stage after the show. I watched from a distance for awhile, waiting for the right sign...the right idea. Then, it hit me.

In a stroke of college maturity, I pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled something like this on it:

With one of my guy friends (also someone I had a crush’s funny how stupid you are in college) right behind me, I walked up to Josh and held the paper out to him. He looked at it, his greasy, stringy hair covering his eyes. Then, he asked for a pen. I scrambled and finally handed it to him.

He began to scribble. I thought I’d die. I caught a glimpse of what Josh was writing:

I held my breath. I couldn’t believe it. This was it. The moment that would make or break everything I’d ever planned for in life.

In the midst of this, their lead guitarist, Matt, tried to talk to me.

He asked a string of questions that to this day I can’t remember. I mean it’s hard to keep your head on straight when all you can smell is the sharpie ink emanating from your love proposal. I gave him one-word answers and fleeting glances. I mean COULDN’T HE SEE THAT I’D ALREADY PICKED MY MAN? Finally, he gave up before...HOLY CRAP!

And that was it. I went home an engaged woman. Josh and I didn’t talk after that. In fact the only words he ever said to me were “Do you have a pen?” But I knew what we had was real.

Months later, I would lament not talking to Matt more. But what can you do? You’re dumb in college. You can’t see the forest for the trees, and a piece of paper engagement is more important than a guy who actually wants to engage in conversation.

But still...

Come to think of it, I should probably tell Josh about Tad.


  1. Ha! Still one of my favorite bands. You're a lucky lady.
    This quote seems appropriate (imagine Tad singing it):
    It's like a pencil with erasers at both ends.
    I've won it all but we're dealing in purses
    And these activities that you have engaged in.
    This is the politics of seeing you dance with him."

  2. Andrew, Then you can fully appreciate the hilarity of this story, knowing how Josh is an absolute crazy man on stage and yet I loved him anyway. In fact, it may have been WHY I loved him. Women are weird like that.

    And yes, those lyrics are fitting! Though Tad would roll his eyes when in the weeks leading up to our wedding, I'd joke and say that breaking up with Josh was on my to-do list.

  3. I don't think it's just women. That's the main reason I go to live shows like Anberlin (and Emery). Though, I never proposed to any of them, so maybe girls are weird...

  4. Hilarious Amanda!

    I knew it was the one with the most facial hair from the get-go. Makes me feel like I have you figured out. Finally! I especially love the part about "all you can smell is the sharpie ink emanating from your love proposal!" Brilliant.

    Just pin a wedding pic of you and Tad on Josh's FB page. I think the visual will help him get over you. Just a suggestion. :)

  5. Andrew--funny, but my guy friends hated when the band got crazy. Guess my guy friends were lamer than I thought.

    Raj--Part of me wants to find him on Twitter and be like "I cheated on you." But I highly doubt he remembers me...AND regardless, that would be creepy of me.

  6. Yes. Amanda. Creepiness has its limits. Glad you were able to catch yourself. Word of advice: Don't go looking for him. Anywhere. Because you will find him. And then you'll have to decide what to do. lol!

    You're too funny!

    1. Hah, yep, I'm staying far, far away :)