Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Making Fun of Stephen King.

After listening to approximately six hours worth of Stephen King's short stories on audio tape on a road trip to and from Peoria, llinois, at the beginning of the month, and after adding another two hours worth of a novella that Tad and I turn on sporadically as we commute to and from work every day and also as we go about our business during the evening, I've developed a certain disdain for his minute detail, excessive use of commas and inability to create dialog that is in any way believable, unless, of course you live in a world in which every living person precedes or confirms their thoughts with lengthy descriptions, explanations and backgrounds, like a teenager, trying to convince his overly-skeptical father that it was necessary to leave his bedroom light on the night before, not because he had sneaked out, forgetting to turn it off, but because he needed it to sleep.

In short, I'd like to know how many words can Stephen King cram into one sentence?

The answer: We're still counting.

*Yes, I am prepared to receive hate comments from S. King fans.
**Yes, I realize my simile was terrible and not nearly as creative as the time S. King described the popping sound in someone's knees as "twin pistol shots".
***Yes, I am fully aware that my entire sentence is wretched and possibly full of errors.
****My sentence is 155 words long.
*****No, I do not believe this is an accurate portrayal of S. King. Truth be told, he is much worse.


  1. i cant hate him because he hates stephanie meyers and anyone that hates stephanie meyer is my friend :)

  2. You have got to be kidding. Only the most ignorant of people, as you appear to be, would have this kind of ideology. If you knew anything about literature you would not feel this way. Stephen King is a master off story telling and the English language, and you are just a fool.

  3. Hey Alexandria, you obviously are NOT a master of the English language, and you could take a lesson from Stephen King (or many other published authors). You're going to criticize someone and then use "off" when you mean "of" in your remark? Really? You're the fool. Also, a less obvious mistake was that you missed a comma after "If you knew anything about literature."
    Better luck next time.

  4. Whew! Amanda, you're a great lady!
    Snake, you're pretty cool too!

  5. Wow Where did that stupid Alexandria Come from? What a Jerk! Sounds like someone who terminated me via e-mail! Amanda you are awesome. Screw that Alexandria there just jealous because you and your husband are amazing. You heard me Alexandria You're an idiot.

  6. Well, I'll be nicer to Alexandria, though she was, I beleive, inaccurate. Amanda seems to me to be a good writer and certainly a smart person. Her literary evanluation seemed correct, in the points she made. Alexandria, I believe you're probably a good person, at heart, but maybe you like Stephen King just a bit too much? (That could happen to me.) And speaking of words in writing, it seems John 3:16-18 are the only "perfect" words that can make us all "perfect" in the end. Anyway. MUCH love ya all and do have yourselves some wonderful holidays! Blessings to you Alexandria! :-)